#BlackMamasMatter - Celebrating Black Maternal Health Week 2023

Happy Black Maternal Health Week!

Never in a million years, did I think that we would still have to think about what it means to be black in America - yet alone a black woman. It’s scary. I’m glad I’ve made the decision that my childbearing days are over but my heart goes out to the women that have yet to explore the journey of motherhood.

Black women are like everyone else, we want to enjoy all the joys that come with pregnancy but when the fear of making it out is daunting. Will my doctor believe me when I say that something is wrong? Most pregnancy related deaths are preventable, so why does this keep happening? 

As I take a look back on my birthing experiences, I was only uncertain with my last child. Pregnancy was nothing new to me. I knew how my body responded and I was pretty in tune with myself. While in the third trimester with my son, I started experiencing extreme bouts of pain and discomfort. It was quickly waved off as the “end of pregnancy.” I spoke with my doctor about needing to go out for maternity leave early because my body couldn’t handle what was to come. I was told that as a woman we fought for equal rights as women so I needed to continue to work until the baby came; if I wanted to go out of work it would be up to me to use personal leave. Needless to say, I was shocked. Considering my history with complex pregnancies, I just knew this wasn’t going to be a big deal. As the weeks went on my blood pressure continued to skyrocket, but no one seemed concerned until I was 37 weeks when it was well into the stroke level. 

I was rushed into an emergency c-section, 2 weeks early after my doctor reviewed my chart and realized that my blood pressure had consistently been evaluated over the last few weeks. I was diagnosed with “late term preeclampsia.” During my stay at the hospital I felt extremely anxious, I wanted to be home. I didn’t feel comfortable. I experienced several strange encounters with staff and doctors that I felt I would be better off at home. After being home for less than 48 hours, I experienced the worst pain of my life. I was worried that my incision had become infected. My stomach, vagina, and inner thighs had become swollen, hot, and red. I went to the emergency room to sit for 3 hours only for them to tell me that they couldn’t help me and I needed to see the surgeon that performed the c-section. I felt defeated. Hopeless. Like how could you turn me around when I’m telling you I’m in excruciating pain and you can visibly see it. Thankfully, it was only a staph infection but it could have been so much worse. I made it through this experience alive while many have not.

If you’ve been watching the news lately, then you’ve heard that latest report from the CDC that the maternal mortality rate is at an all time high, especially for black women. In 2020, the maternal mortality rate for Black women was 3 times the rate for White women in the United States. Multiple factors contribute to these disparities, such as lower quality healthcare, structural racism, and implicit bias from healthcare providers, and underlying chronic conditions. (Source: CDC) 

I never wanted to think that the color of my skin could have been a reason for me being treated the way I was. The more stories I hear, the more I realize that it was a real possibility. The Black Mamas Alliance is doing the work to amplify these stories and create change. The #BMHW23 theme is “Our Bodies Belong to Us: Restoring Black Autonomy and Joy,” which speaks to our strength, power and resilience, and our unassailable right to live freely, safely, and joyfully. The events and programming being planned throughout #BMHW23 will fully embody this theme and offer opportunities to engage in activities and conversations that honor the values and traditions of the reproductive and birth justice movements.

Join me in supporting the Black Mamas Matter Alliance by helping them reach their #BMHW23 fundraising goal of $50,000 at www.blackmamasmatter.org/donate Your investment helps BMMA to share the challenges impacting Black birthing people, celebrate innovation of Black-led models of holistic maternal and reproductive health care, as well as amplify the voices of Black Mamas to shift the narrative to center our joy, activism, and creativity.

While things won’t change overnight, the more that we discuss it I’m hopeful that we will see a difference. No mother should have to fear surviving pregnancy. My mother has always told me that the closest you’ll ever be to death is giving birth. That statement has never been more relevant than it is today.

#BlackMamas are magical, we need them around. I don’t know what I would do without my own mother and the other mothers in my life that have provided me guidance and support throughout this journey of motherhood. 

Black Mamas Matter Shirts designed by 37:23 Apparel. Use code Natalie until April 30, 2023 to receive a discount.

My Body, My Choice: Why I’m Choosing Tubal Ligation

In today’s society we have all heard the term “feminist” and many have spoken out about women’s rights. I also believe that this falls into this category and I’m choosing to cut off my child making abilities.

As a young girl, I struggled with heavy periods and was put on birth control to help combat the symptoms. It worked until it didn’t. The side effects were no longer safe for someone my age.

At age 20, I discovered I had PCOS which was a complete shock because I had a child already and thought my diagnosis was incorrect. I was at my highest weight, started developing facial hair (yikes) and hadn’t had a period in over 6 months.

Fast forward, although the things mentioned above have very little to do with my decision making I knew this would be the last baby for me.

For starters, I believe you have to be realistic with yourself. Are you able to afford to continuously reproduce? I for one am not… at least not continue to do so and give my children the life I want them to have. I have very ambitious girls, they enjoying doing things and I don’t want my lack of resources to limit that.

I come from a very traditional background and have always been raised with the mindset that the mother will be the one to carry the load when it comes to raising the children. My plate is already full and I don’t want to take on more than I can handle.

After careful consideration, I decided that tubal ligation was right for me. I didn’t want to use birth control as a contraceptive method due to all of the health risk and understanding the way my body responds.

Before you make a choice - decide what’s right for you! I am a firm believer that things can change at the drop of a dime. So know your options on birth control and choose wisely!

After my little one is here I will be sure to give you all an update on how the procedure went. I will be having it done in conjunction with my c-section.

How I'm handing being Plus Size and Pregnant

Photo by: Denise Benson Photography 

Being a plus sized woman in America is hard especially when you see women paraded on television that look nothing like you. Even the plus size models have a particular shape. It’s usually the coke bottle, pear shape and ya girl here doesn’t have it! I’ve struggled to fit into the typical plus size world because I’m not super curvy and I would get dirty looks shopping in plus sizes stores. On more than one occasion the sales associate told me she thought I was lost. 😒

I’ve been plus sized for most of my life. It didn’t really hit me that being plus sized and pregnant mattered…not until I got my paperwork at check from my doctor. They gave me a cute little sheet that had my weight, height, how much I have loss or gained (I lost weight by the way) and my BMI. IT WAS 34! I’m considered obese. My doctor hasn’t harped on me about losing but she has encouraged me to move – start walking for 5 minutes a day just to get the blood flowing. And honestly, I’m not mad. She has treated me like a human – which is all I want. I know I weigh more than I should but I don't need to be reminded of that every time I go to the doctor.

What being plus size and pregnant means to me is still being able to be fabulous and pregnant? I can do any and everything every other woman can do. I WILL take those maternity photos. I WILL share my growing belly. I WILL give in to my cravings and I will enjoy this pregnancy!

I believe pregnancy is supposed to be a joyous time. I'm determined to do that. I move when my body says move and I rest when my body tells me to. Understanding what's best for you and baby is the best thing you can do while pregnant!

What are or were your biggest fears during pregnancy?

Goodbye 1st Trimester

Baby Bump in full effect!  Swimsuit can be found here! 

Photo by: denise benson photography 

Hi Friends,

I’ve been struggling to write this post…not because I didn’t want to but I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to say. Not to mention, I’ve been exhausted…my lower back and hips hurt and I’m not even halfway through yet. I had to come to terms with having another baby. (Totally not a part of the plan) I believe my partner and I both knew we just didn’t want to face the truth but reality would quickly slap us in the face.

I remember that weekend like it was yesterday. I went to brush my teeth and started gagging. He immediately popped out of bed and threatened to go to Walmart to get a pregnancy test. I was completely opposed to the idea because I’d been spotting for days, plus I have PCOS so there was no way I could be pregnant.  When I look back on that moment now...I wish I did allow him to go get the test and I wouldn’t have found out alone…

Instead, I went home but something just didn’t seem right about this drive. My spirit would not settle. I felt so uneasy and kept replaying his comments in my head. Mind you…I was 45 days late but in my defense sprinkles of blood appeared. Something told me to go get a test. What was the worst that could happen? Besides it confirming what we already knew but on the bright side if it was negative I would never have to mention it. Life would return to normal.

I sat on the toilet and peed. (TMI) I set the timer on my phone for 3 minutes and waited but I notice something. The test looked funny it changed colors so fast and I instantly placed my head in my hands because those 3 minutes were not up. These were the LONGEST 3 minutes of my life! I was in complete an utter shock. I just knew this test was wrong. Thank goodness I bought 2. The joke was on me, they were both positive. I video chatted him and he was half asleep. Of course, with all of my theatrics, he was awake QUICKLY. Once he came to, I placed the pregnancy test in front of the camera and he gave this weird, devilish smile that he does often when he comes up with some awesome plan. He was excited! We didn’t speak it was that silence where no one knows what to say but it’s perfect. And because I needed words I broke the silence and asked: “so what are we gonna do?” He laughed and responded, “keep it.” I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t upset or anything…it’s just I have never had this experience before. Finding out I was pregnant in the past has always been so traumatic. This time it was normal…I felt normal.

My honey was happy – like extremely happy so how could I not be? We decided to keep this little news to ourselves until we found out a due date and if the pregnancy was viable. The appointment came and my little peanut was there! Hearing the heartbeat brought tears to my eyes. I was in complete disbelief – somehow I thought this was all a dream and when we went for the ultrasound that nothing would be there…

I met my doctor and she was as sweet as pie but brutally honest. I’ve always had a dream of giving birth at home in a pool. She chuckled and said, “ain’t gonna happen.” (I’ve had two previous caesareans and the risk are too high.)

Shirt by Momee & Mini Me Boutique

The first trimester has FLOWN by. I’m 14 weeks into this thing and it’s had its ups and down. Many nights I’ve cried unsure if this is really what I wanted at 27 years old with two school-age children. Then I was reminded that there are so many women with my condition (PCOS) that could only dream of this moment and here I am complaining. Life is short but this will be the last one! (tubes will be tied)

My morning sickness has finally calmed down, our 12-week scan went beautifully and outside of my constant back pain I’m okay. I’m counting it all joy!

Any other moms to be out there? Let me know how you're feeling!