Aging in Life and Love

I can’t believe March is over; where did the time go? It feels like life has been coming at me hard and fast. It feels like something else happens once I have a moment to catch my breath. Nevertheless, I’m rolling with the punches. March is always one of the happiest times of the year for me, but this year felt different. I felt an extreme heaviness over me. Most days, I felt like I was suffocating. Then it hit me; I’m probably grieving. 

I lost my auntie, aka my bestie, in 2020. I didn’t have time to process her death. I took on a significant role in planning her services. I became the strong one - had to be. There was no time for me to sulk. I got my first taste of real adulthood and what happens after you pass away. It was a learning process, but it made me realize that I needed to reevaluate a few things in my life.

 Now, I’m 32, another year older. I’m not sure what aging is supposed to feel like. I remember wanting to be “grown” so badly; now, I only wish to take time a little slower. I’m in my reflection era. I want things to come easy. I want to become the best version of myself. I desire to walk in my purpose. I can see the vision, but it isn’t evident. I’m choosing not to beat myself up about it. I’ve accomplished so much, and it’s okay to celebrate that, even if I haven’t met the goal I set.

Here are a few of my wins from the last year:

1. I bought a new car - I can’t wait to share more about it. I’m in love, and I worked my butt off to make sure I could get it.

2. I worked with one of my dream brands, Coca-Cola, for a long-term partnership.

3. I invested in leveling up my business. Even when times felt scary, I believed in myself.

Sometimes, I have to question my sanity. Like why did I get married 6 days AFTER my birthday? I have no idea because we all know March is all about me, and now I gotta share it with my husband, lol. What can I say? 

Hello, year 2; it’s been a wild ride. The last year has caused us to figure out what love looks like for us. Between work, side hustles, and kids pouring into each other didn’t happen. We constantly found ourselves at odds and arguing over silly things. We realized that we needed quality time with each other - just us. We’ve only been on two dates this year, but life has thrown us so many curve balls within the last 3 months - a pivot was necessary. 

However, we did explore a new city, and I can’t wait to tell you all about it. If you caught my Instagram post, then you know where we went. Stay tuned!

As always, you know I have to do my honorary birthday photo shoot, and I did it myself with a bit of help from my sidekick.

I’m claiming a great year of learning and love!

Related Posts:

The Wedding

30th Birthday 

Learning to Love After a Heartbreak

“Closure is not a moment between two people. It’s demanding yourself to stop reliving your history & let go of the “what ifs’”. It’s embracing that every ounce of pain you experienced was necessary for your growth, peace, and joy. It is a reconciliation with one’s self.”

— Sarah Jakes-Roberts

Let's be real for a moment...allow yourself to think clearly and be free of judgment. I have had this conversation several times in the last few months and I've read quite a few articles. So I have a good feeling that this is still relevant. It has also taken me MONTHS to get the courage to finish this piece. I have come to realize that it was because I wasn't there yet.

Wow - can't believe I just admitted that but my goal is to be as real as possible with you all!

Before you can even consider loving again you have to deal with your past. When you've experienced love and real love at that it's hard to keep going. For a moment your life stops. It feels like a piece of you is missing...your best friend is gone. This is insanely difficult if you didn't want the breakup. The worst thing you can do is try to force someone to stay - if they stay and they don't want to they'll be miserable and it won't work. 

Understand that healing takes time and no one is allowed to tell you how much time you need. Only you know when you're done. Cry if you need to. Cry for hours, days, weeks if you have to. Let it out! Keeping that pain bottled inside only hurts you. I'm not suggesting you wallow in your pain for months on end but give yourself time to breathe. 

I remember being told that I shouldn't be sad that I lost the person I loved. I should just get over it and move on with my life. I was told that crying wouldn't change a thing. Well, that was a LIE. I listened to that person and the aftermath wasn't pleasant. I learned to believe that I was okay. I learned to bury those feelings. I didn't get a chance to grieve the life I once had. I didn't know I needed it. I built a wall so high that no one could break it down. My wall of protection was solid. I tried to date but it didn't work. Whatever you do, don't fall victim to the notion that you should be with someone else in order to get over the person that you miss. For me, that didn't work and it doesn't work. All you're doing is masking the real problem. You aren't ready and it's okay not to be ready.

Once you've done your work to heal it is possible to love again. It won't be easy. You're going to have issues trusting again but here's the thing about love...when you start to fall you'll fall. Then you'll catch yourself. You'll worry about everything. You're going to be afraid and you have every right to but remember one important thing...that person isn't the person that hurt you. I'm not saying give every Billy, Bob, and Joe a chance but don't close out the possibility. 

Love is beautiful, it's pure and when you have it - it's magical. Your time will come but you have to be ready!