10 Things to Remember - Love, Life, and Relationships

Have you ever felt really…meh? Like you weren’t sure where you were going on how thing would turn out? Me too!

I do believe that’s just a part of life but I also believe that change can happen but it starts with YOU!

Today, I want to share 10 Things to Remember about love, life, and relationships!

1.     If a person WANTED to – they would.

2.     She is standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much she can take.

3.     A woman wants to be surprised, loved, and doted on.

4.     Let every man be swift to speak, slow to speak and slow to anger.

5.     The little details matter.

6.     Never trust a man/woman who tries to destroy you when he’s/she’s mad.

7.     We repeat what we don’t repair.

8.     Forgiveness is making the conscious decision to live in the present…even if the past still hurts.

9.     Tomorrow is not promised – so love the ones who love you.

10.  Be silly, have fun, be different because you only have one life to live.

One major change I’ve made recently is learning to care for myself. You would think that it’s an easy task, but honestly it’s not. Have you ever heard the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup?” Well, honey I’ve been trying. Reality set in a few weeks ago for me and my body completely shut down. If you don’t take care of you…who will?

Valentine's Day | Love on YOU

It’s ALMOST Valentine’s Day!

We all know this can be a bittersweet holiday for some. Valentine’s is all about L-O-V-E some people hate it because they are single BUT I have a little secret for you… You don’t have to be in a relationship to love on yourself! Don’t have a partner? Spend time taking care of you!

Remember you don’t need anyone to make you happy. A person should add to your happiness not be it! This year…I will spend time loving on my babies. I might even get my girls from school early. (Shhh…don’t tell them)

 My dad always bought my sister and I chocolates and gave us a card for the occasion. I’ve tried to keep up with the tradition but only one of my kids enjoy chocolate sooooo I have to find another tasty treat!

Nevertheless, I will spend this holiday in love; loving myself and loving on those who love me.

How will spend your Valentine’s Day?

Queen, Watch Your Mouth

Real Queens fix each other's crowns WITHOUT letting anyone know it was titled.

How many times have you heard or participated in gossip? Whether intentionally or not I know we all have. It wasn't until I realized that what you say about someone can hurt them and leave scars for years! Luckily, I learned this early on. It wasn't an easy lesson but so worth it! 

It's so easy to get caught up in talking about people when we don't know the full story. A group of friends, causally scrolling through social media and it can catch you off guard "Oh girl, did you see Tasha just had another baby," "Yeah girl, I wonder who the daddy is." That can lead to a whole lotta speculation when you don't really know Tasha's situation. 

I don't have many female friends...I had my crew back in the day but we all grew apart and that happens. Life happens. Due to the twist and turns that my life has taken it's been hard for me to develop strong adult relationships. I've been extremely guarded. I meet a group of women that I thought were amazing and turned out to be a COMPLETE MESS! Something I did not want to be associated with.  

 I have been a mom since I was 17 so I didn't have the freedom to do as I pleased - neither did I have the means. My focus was taking care of my daughter and trying put myself through school.

Now that I'm older, I desire these types of relationships. I want relationships with other women that don't pose a threat to me. I want people that truly understand that we can all WIN! We're all beautiful in our own way and there is no need for the back stabbing.

Check out this oldie but goodie...did you watch Red Table Talk? If not, hop on over to Facebook and see what all the buzz was about. 

SOMETIMES, as women once we've done something we don't know how to come back from it. Especially in friendships. We miss those friends but we don't know how to say sorry and truly admit our wrong doings. Not only that there have been times when it's not our fault and we hold grudges not even know why we're mad.

Have you had conflicts with friends that you wish you would have resolved? 

Learning to Love After a Heartbreak

“Closure is not a moment between two people. It’s demanding yourself to stop reliving your history & let go of the “what ifs’”. It’s embracing that every ounce of pain you experienced was necessary for your growth, peace, and joy. It is a reconciliation with one’s self.”

— Sarah Jakes-Roberts

Let's be real for a moment...allow yourself to think clearly and be free of judgment. I have had this conversation several times in the last few months and I've read quite a few articles. So I have a good feeling that this is still relevant. It has also taken me MONTHS to get the courage to finish this piece. I have come to realize that it was because I wasn't there yet.

Wow - can't believe I just admitted that but my goal is to be as real as possible with you all!

Before you can even consider loving again you have to deal with your past. When you've experienced love and real love at that it's hard to keep going. For a moment your life stops. It feels like a piece of you is missing...your best friend is gone. This is insanely difficult if you didn't want the breakup. The worst thing you can do is try to force someone to stay - if they stay and they don't want to they'll be miserable and it won't work. 

Understand that healing takes time and no one is allowed to tell you how much time you need. Only you know when you're done. Cry if you need to. Cry for hours, days, weeks if you have to. Let it out! Keeping that pain bottled inside only hurts you. I'm not suggesting you wallow in your pain for months on end but give yourself time to breathe. 

I remember being told that I shouldn't be sad that I lost the person I loved. I should just get over it and move on with my life. I was told that crying wouldn't change a thing. Well, that was a LIE. I listened to that person and the aftermath wasn't pleasant. I learned to believe that I was okay. I learned to bury those feelings. I didn't get a chance to grieve the life I once had. I didn't know I needed it. I built a wall so high that no one could break it down. My wall of protection was solid. I tried to date but it didn't work. Whatever you do, don't fall victim to the notion that you should be with someone else in order to get over the person that you miss. For me, that didn't work and it doesn't work. All you're doing is masking the real problem. You aren't ready and it's okay not to be ready.

Once you've done your work to heal it is possible to love again. It won't be easy. You're going to have issues trusting again but here's the thing about love...when you start to fall you'll fall. Then you'll catch yourself. You'll worry about everything. You're going to be afraid and you have every right to but remember one important thing...that person isn't the person that hurt you. I'm not saying give every Billy, Bob, and Joe a chance but don't close out the possibility. 

Love is beautiful, it's pure and when you have it - it's magical. Your time will come but you have to be ready!