Goodbye 1st Trimester

Baby Bump in full effect!  Swimsuit can be found here! 

Photo by: denise benson photography 

Hi Friends,

I’ve been struggling to write this post…not because I didn’t want to but I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to say. Not to mention, I’ve been exhausted…my lower back and hips hurt and I’m not even halfway through yet. I had to come to terms with having another baby. (Totally not a part of the plan) I believe my partner and I both knew we just didn’t want to face the truth but reality would quickly slap us in the face.

I remember that weekend like it was yesterday. I went to brush my teeth and started gagging. He immediately popped out of bed and threatened to go to Walmart to get a pregnancy test. I was completely opposed to the idea because I’d been spotting for days, plus I have PCOS so there was no way I could be pregnant.  When I look back on that moment now...I wish I did allow him to go get the test and I wouldn’t have found out alone…

Instead, I went home but something just didn’t seem right about this drive. My spirit would not settle. I felt so uneasy and kept replaying his comments in my head. Mind you…I was 45 days late but in my defense sprinkles of blood appeared. Something told me to go get a test. What was the worst that could happen? Besides it confirming what we already knew but on the bright side if it was negative I would never have to mention it. Life would return to normal.

I sat on the toilet and peed. (TMI) I set the timer on my phone for 3 minutes and waited but I notice something. The test looked funny it changed colors so fast and I instantly placed my head in my hands because those 3 minutes were not up. These were the LONGEST 3 minutes of my life! I was in complete an utter shock. I just knew this test was wrong. Thank goodness I bought 2. The joke was on me, they were both positive. I video chatted him and he was half asleep. Of course, with all of my theatrics, he was awake QUICKLY. Once he came to, I placed the pregnancy test in front of the camera and he gave this weird, devilish smile that he does often when he comes up with some awesome plan. He was excited! We didn’t speak it was that silence where no one knows what to say but it’s perfect. And because I needed words I broke the silence and asked: “so what are we gonna do?” He laughed and responded, “keep it.” I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t upset or anything…it’s just I have never had this experience before. Finding out I was pregnant in the past has always been so traumatic. This time it was normal…I felt normal.

My honey was happy – like extremely happy so how could I not be? We decided to keep this little news to ourselves until we found out a due date and if the pregnancy was viable. The appointment came and my little peanut was there! Hearing the heartbeat brought tears to my eyes. I was in complete disbelief – somehow I thought this was all a dream and when we went for the ultrasound that nothing would be there…

I met my doctor and she was as sweet as pie but brutally honest. I’ve always had a dream of giving birth at home in a pool. She chuckled and said, “ain’t gonna happen.” (I’ve had two previous caesareans and the risk are too high.)

Shirt by Momee & Mini Me Boutique

The first trimester has FLOWN by. I’m 14 weeks into this thing and it’s had its ups and down. Many nights I’ve cried unsure if this is really what I wanted at 27 years old with two school-age children. Then I was reminded that there are so many women with my condition (PCOS) that could only dream of this moment and here I am complaining. Life is short but this will be the last one! (tubes will be tied)

My morning sickness has finally calmed down, our 12-week scan went beautifully and outside of my constant back pain I’m okay. I’m counting it all joy!

Any other moms to be out there? Let me know how you're feeling! 

Meant to Blend | Blended Families

I think I’ve known for a while that I would have a blended family. One big melted pot of goodness. I didn’t know what it would look like or how it would feel but I did know that as long as love was the key ingredient I would be down.

My view of the world is different than others. I don’t believe everything is so black and white. You can’t make everything a cookie cutter situation but what you can do is take what you have a make magic.

“Bonus families tell us the story that second chances are possible and that love can overcome anything.”

My relationship with my children’s father was just not meant to be. I know, understand and have accepted that for quite some time now. I believe it takes a strong person to admit or even comprehend that maybe JUST maybe the only purpose that person served in your life was to help you create those beautiful babies and THAT’S IT! It’s hard to wrap your mind around…I know. You wonder how they could not want to be apart. Why don’t they try…etc? Guess what?! That’s NOT your job! You are responsible for YOU! We can’t force people to do things they are unwilling and have you seen the news lately? I won’t force a dog to something they don’t want to. Sometimes, it’s just better that way.

Since, my acceptance of this fact there are a few things I’ve had to come to terms with.

1.      I may not parent like my partner.

2.      Set boundaries – children, other parents.

3.      Communicate your goals effectively.

4.      Prepare your children.

5.      Let your children have an opinion in the relationship.

Number 1 - has probably been the hardest for me. I tend to date people who are the COMPLETE opposite of myself. I’m very reserved…I enjoy a good time but I don’t let my hair down as often as I should. In turn, I have found myself with very outgoing people that challenge me. They allow their children to be wild and free and I grew up with the mentality that children should only be seen and not heard. I still believe that is true is some sense.

Number 2 – setting boundaries not only with the children but the other parents! You have to have rules about those things. Be a united front with the children. Even when you don’t agree the kids CANNOT pit you against each other and yes there are times when you’ll want to be slack a child for whatever reason but we can’t. There is no good cop/bad cop. Each party is responsible for dealing with the outside parent. Although, I would love it if everyone would be all together that’s not where we are at this moment. (One day, fingers crossed)

Number 3 – Family goals! I am big on having goals and making sure that a family is functioning properly we must have some goals in place. They can be simple as getting in the habit of having family meetings and this can be tough especially when you have kids in different households most of the time. Maybe you have that on lock already, so a savings goal maybe better, whatever your needs stick to them.

Number 4 – Prepare your children! This probably seems like a no brainer but remember you aren’t the only ones who are blending. Your children need to feel safe with their new bonus family. It’s going to take time. A therapist once told me that before blending completely the family should spend time together throughout the week, if possible. If one family is moving into one house then the other parent and children should spend the night a few nights a week to help the children adjust.

Number 5 – Allow your children to have an opinion about your relationship. I’m not saying let your children CONTROL the relationship but they should get a say so in it. Imagine how difficult it would be to have to be at war with your spouse and child all the time. It’s not a fun place to be. Sometimes, your children can pick up on things that you can’t and you need to listen to that!

Most importantly, love like you never have before. Your heart has to be BIG to love and care for someone else’s children. Blended families are not for everyone!

Do you have some insight on blended families or want to share your story? Hit me up!

South Carolina Aquarium 🐟🐠🐠

Kay hates taking pics but she knows her mom blogs, so it's a part of the job! 

Wow, what a weekend! I had every intention of getting some rest and possibly hitting the beach but we all know life doesn’t happen the way we want it to.

What I would give to be laying in the sun right now! (Insert real tears) the water is my spirit animal. I feel safe and calm when I’m near it. When I’m in it...it’s like God just wants me to float away with Him. He reminds me that He is in control!

Kaydence asked for a beach weekend to wrap up her birthday week and she knew I would be down. I checked the weather and it looked like we were good to go BUT that’s SC for ya! You never know what’s gonna happen. On Wednesday the forecast was a high of 86 and by Friday night it was raining!!!

What’s a mom to do? Google!!! I swear Google saves me more than I would like to admit. So here’s to searching for indoor things to do in Charleston. There were a few things on my list but I had to quickly remember this weekend wasn’t about me. So I didn’t get to pick. We ended up at the South Carolina Aquarium totally not where I wanted to go but I was pleasantly surprised! It was nice!!

Maddy and I opted to try the bird's nest! 

So, if you're heading to the Low Country you might want to stop by especially if you get rained out like we did. I'll give you some quick need to know info!

South Carolina Aquarium 

Hours of Operation:

Daily 9:00 am - 4:00 pm (Closed Thanksgiving and Christmas, and noon on Christmas Eve)

*No flash photography on certain things.*

Prices:

Children 3-12: $22.95 (under 3 FREE)

Adults 13+: $29.95

My favorite part was the outdoor exhibit! It was so neat seeing the birds up close and NO you can't touch them! So please, don't try. I promise it won't end well, lol!

I think the kids enjoyed the Lego exhibits best! They loved how they recreated some of the examples. Overall, the kids had a great time! It was worth the money and very educational! So if you're in the area, stop by!!!

Happy Birthday, Kaydence

My Sweet Baby Girl,

Today, you are 10! Double digits baby!!! I still remember every detail about the day you were born. I had my 38th week check up the day before and I was in so much pain. You were ready for the world but I'm not quite sure I was ready for you. Dr. Hutchinson rushed me to Labor and Delivery. He placed me on strict bed rest for the next 24 hours and told me by 8 am the next morning I would be holding you. You know how I tell you things don't always go according to plan but they work out just like they should? Well, your birth was no different.

6 am arrives and Dr. Hutchinson was ready to take me back and prepare for your c-section BUT a trauma patient came in and we got pushed back. To say the least, I was irritated AND I couldn't eat! (And you all know how Mommy gets when she's hungry. #Hangry) At this point, it felt like it was one thing after another! It felt like nothing would go the way it was intended

Finally, somewhere in the 3 o'clock hour, they came to wheel me back. Nana was dressed in her scrubs to greet you and I couldn't have been more pleased. You were born at 4:19 pm...and what a beautiful sight you were. I couldn't see you because they put me to sleep. Everyone told me you were perfect; and of course, you were - you are mine! When I came into the recovery room and I realized what was happening everyone says I only asked one thing "does she have hair?" It was believed that if you didn't have heartburn during your pregnancy then your baby wouldn't have any hair. Your Nana laughed at me and replied: "She has plenty!" 

I know you worry when you see me cry but sometimes, it's happy tears! Other times, I cry because I worry if I've done enough. I wonder if I'm showing you the right way. I wonder how you feel about the life I've given you thus far. Our life hasn't been perfect. We've struggled and Lord knows I've done my best to never let you know it. I love you with every piece of me. I stare at you in pure amazement because I can't believe you're mine. You're so smart, talented, and beautiful. Please don't you EVER forget that!

You were my special gift - something I didn't know I needed. We've grown up together and we're still growing. I hope to make you as proud as you make me.

Love, 

Mom

Wow, it's been 10 years since I became a MOM. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's scary. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She made me a better person. She taught me some life lessons that you can only achieve through experience! 

Let's have a transparent moment here: I wish I had the perfect story to give my baby about how she was planned and we anticipated her arrival but I don't. She doesn't have the baby books filled with "mom and dad" - she only has me. My pregnancy was HORRIBLE. It felt like death and they say childbirth is closest you'll ever be to death. (They aren't lying!) I believe there was a purpose... there were so many times I wanted to give up - but I didn't. I was 16 and didn't know what the heck I was doing or how I would manage. But God had a different plan for me. He chose to give me her. He knew she was just what I needed. He's prepared me to be all that I can I can be for her. 

Although my journey with motherhood hasn't been the easiest it has been worth it. I look forward to her going to middle school, graduating high school and attending college. My wish for my baby is that she is better than I ever was.